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Posts Tagged ‘work’

Personal Developments

Words spoken in jest by my husband have made me realize it may be time for me to change professional path. I don’t want to say too much too soon, it is still very uncertain if such would be possible in a practical sense. It would mean going back to uni for five years. It would mean being even more reliant on my husband’s salary to see us through. It would mean starting over, seeking an entirely new profession.

It feels strangely right.

But as said, it might not be practically possible. There is the financial aspect (the husband did NOT get happy about the idea of me going five years or so without an income…) and as always the child aspect. We are still waiting, hoping to get IVF treatment and planning is difficult with that constantly hovering over everything.

And now for something completely different.

I am growing more confident in my faith. Coming to realize that while I am a seeker, a journeymaid, a pathfinder, I am also, in a sense, a leader.

I think I need to start expressing myself more confidently here. No, wrong. I need to express myself with more confidence.

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Hey guys! I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while, but getting back to work has more or less consumed all of my energy. Last week I began with two hours of work per day, this week I’m up at 4 h/day. It’s still hard, but every day is a little better than the previous.

Today was an unusually good day, with beautiful weather and a good mood. Plus I got into a really interesting conversation with one of my work mates, that I haven’t really chatted with before.

We started talking about religion, first from a historical viewpoint and then from a more personal view. It turned out he’s a devout muslim, and as I asked if it was ok to ask openly about his faith he got real happy. So I asked about how he found his religion (since he hadn’t been raised religous), what he thinks of other religions, what he thinks of fundamentalists and so on. Throughout the discussion I also explained what I think, and we found both differences and similarities in how we think.

Oh how I wish that all islamophobes could have such a conversation! This guy is pretty conservative in his faith, yes. But as he pointed out to me, the Koran says you shall not judge people of different faith. So even though he got momentarily stunned when I said that I am actually a polytheist (that was a fun moment, he really didn’t see that one coming!) he totally accepted my faith. Yeah sure, he still thinks I’m wrong and the Koran is right, but that’s ok. Mutual respect is the shit! =)

Actually, this was the best conversation I’ve had with anyone at work.  Though I’ve considered myself reasonably knowledgeable of different religions, I’ve never before had such an open religious discussion with a muslim. And yes, the  whole thing strengthened that which I’ve thought for years: Islam is not bad. Not at all. As in all other religions there are some assholes who mess things up for the rest, but if you look at what the Koran actually says, it’s actually very accepting. Yeah sure, muslims will generally think that you are in the wrong, if you are of a different faith. But if they are good muslims, they won’t judge you for it. And that’s really all you can ask for, right? For of course it’s ok to think your own religion is the true one. I think my spiritual path is true as well, otherwise none of it would matter.It’s all good, as long as there is mutual respect.

In the end, we agreed to something very important. We are just humans, we don’t see the full picture and we really can’t claim to know the truth. None of us can claim to know the truth, so we should always be humble. There is no point in forcing your faith on others, all must find their own way.

Love and light to you all!

Journeymaid

 

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I tried very hard to calm down last night before attempting to enchant my amber jewlery, not wanting to spill over any negativity into the process. With a string of hematite chips held closely I focused on letting go of all the irritation, sadness and anger.

When I felt sufficiently calm I went on to the newly cleansed jewlery. Whispered three times to each piece of amber:

Protect me.

Having such a headache from all the crying I asked the father to please remove the ache. After which I dipped my finger’s in the remaining blessed salt water, and smeared it on my temples. The ache disappeared immediately.

I ended the session asking the Mother and Father to help me with my work situation, and also asked them to send my boss some love, peace and understanding.

Today when I went to work I had on the amber ring and carried amber in both pockets. I was still emotionally sore from the yesterday, and tried really hard to connect and draw strength from the Mother. When my boss approached me I was so surprised I didn’t know what to say; I couldn’t feel her usual spiky aggressive energy. I am still amazed, my boss seemed so different… in a very good way!

I have no idea if the amber helped block out her usual spiky energy so I couldn’t feel it any more, or if the Mother or Father had intervened. Or if I was just lucky and my boss had an unusually good day or whatever. It doesn’t matter, I am very happy that today was a much better day and I was relieved to not get spiked by nasty energy at work. *takes a long and satisfyed breath*

I think I’ll continue wearing the amber, just in case. I wonder how often one should cleanse them and renew the enchantment, to keep them efficient?

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Last night I dreamt I was in the kitchen of my mom’s home. I was trying to wash clothes in a regular kitchen pot on the stove. It didn’t go too well. 

I then noticed that my two darling cats had somehow managed to get inside the fridge. I wondered why, and let them out. Turned out they had the ability to squeeze through extremely narrow openings. I mean, really really narrow openings, like less than a cm in width.

Rather fascinated, I watched how one of the cats sneaked into the kitchen cabinet through an unbelievably narrow crack.

 

I chatted with my mom today. She told me she’s come up with a plan for keeping her Fat cat out of the kitchen at night while still letting the Thin cat in, so that she could grab a night time snack. Mom happily explained the solution she’d come up with last night. She’d simply leave the door just a little bit opened and put some sort of stopper on it, so that Thin cat could sneak into the kitchen but the Fat cat just wouldn’t fit!

My guess is Fat cat will still manage to squeeze her way in. Or what do you think?

Oh, by the way. After mom told me about her plan I jokingly asked if she hadn’t possibly been trying to wash clothes on the stove in a cooking pot? She gave me a blank stare and said… uhm… yes.

Feeling slightly stupid, I had no good comments. Mom went on to explain that she hadn’t done it in the last couple of days, but yes she does boil her clothes on the stove if she’s particularly worried about germs.

Heh… I love my mom, but she’s a bit weird sometimes. But, so am I so I don’t blame her. =)

Now I am just wondering if this was a psychic connection from her mind to mine, or if I was rather getting a hint of something yet to pass… Anyhow, I found that rather amusing.

 

Now I had planned to write another blog post today, as I have a lot of other stuff I want to share. But I had a really crappy day at work and I can’t seem to find the motivation. Problems with my boss again. All plans to help her against a potential spiritual parasite is hearby called off, at least temporarily. If she acts like a complete ***** and attacks me verbally every time I open my mouth I am not going to risk my own sanity and health for her. I have now asked my other boss to be transferred to another office nearby and hopefully he will say yes, because otherwise I really don’t want to go to work tomorrow. =( And oh, if anyone’s got a little positive energy to spare I’d be grateful if you’d like to try and share some with me. Chatting to my boss this morning drained me so completely that I just broke down in tears, and I still can’t wrap my head about the whole thing.

And just because I know you are wondering why my boss would have such a “talk” with me… A co-worker came to me yesterday and asked me to convey some information about drug use in the office. She asked to be anonymous, but told me all she knew. As I went ahead and conveyed this information, I got hit by a major backlash, as always. Boss rejected whatever I had to say and hinted that there had never been any problems in the workplace before I became a safety representative, and very aggressively asked me why I would come to her with such information, what did I expect from her and so on and so on. I tried to explain that I was just passing on the information a co-worker had asked me convey, whereby she refused to accept such a thing. Perhaps I’ll have softened by tomorrow, but right now I’m thinking that if there actually is a nasty spirit attached to her then I honestly don’t care.

*sigh*

I’ll stop writing now. And I sure hope that my boss doesn’t read this and connects the dots. But I really don’t think that’s a problem, she wouldn’t dream about reading about paranormal stuff. But still – if you do know who I am, please don’t reveal my name here because I really need to feel I can be anonymous.

 

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First of all, let me just say thank you for the insightful advice I got for my last post. Know that I listen very carefully to all comments, and I deeply appreciate any honest comments.

Then I’d like to mention one of the things that came up in the comments. I know some people would say that it is bad, or perhaps even evil, do work magic on an unknowing subject. Now I would not say that is the case, so categorically. In this particular case it’s all about me wanting to help a person, and at the same time protect those around her (including myself, yes). In my opinion this is nothing different than calling the ambulance when you see a person in an accident, or calling the police when you see a burglar breaking into your neighbours home. I mean, you wouldn’t wait to get permission from the victim, would you? Of course, this isn’t a clear-cut analogy since practicing magic for someone is more personal, but Í find the most important thing is that the purpose is to heal and protect. I do, however, deeply resepct people with a stricter moral take on this.

I also realize that this is not something I can rush into, I need both practice and preparation. And perhaps, after a bit of preparation I may even find out that the ritual I’m planning isn’t even necessary! I got the advice to at least start by learning how to shield myself from the negative influence, and I think that’s a very good plan. As I menioned in the previous post I have previously asked the Mother for strength, bringing up peaceful energy from Her to help me throughout the day, and while that has helped me somewhat in the moment it hasn’t done anything at all for the root of the issue, and at times the negative energy has still managed to get through to me. And the result of that being instant headaches and general flu-like symptoms, feelings of immense sadness without any real reason, and general uneasiness.

In other words, I need to start putting up real defensive shields.  Now I just gotta find out how…

I am also planning on visiting my mom to pick up some stuff I still have back in my old room.  First of all, I gotta find my old crystal. Then, I gotta bring home my staff. You see, when I was just a kid I found this beautiful naturally straight staff in the woods. I brought it home and carefully peeled off the outer rough layer. Then I carved it with runes and on a hunch I actually… sort of… used my own menstrual blood to empower it. Yea, that may sound a bit icky but I just felt I had to do it. Afterwards, that staff became such a source of protection. It had almost like an aura of warmth and strength. Holding it made me feel calm and protected. I didn’t really realize how powerful it was until after I’d moved out and my mom told me that she’d actually moved it to her room. It helped her through some hard times, and when she was particularly haunted by anxiety she’d even place it next to her in bed while sleeping, and it had comforted her. Just as I had done, which I’d never told her about.

I will bring my staff here, reconnect to it, and hopefully it will help protect me and my home.

So this is where I will start off. If anyone has personal experience using any particular protective spell or ritual I’d love to see it and perhaps try it, otherwise I will try to create my own.

Talk to you later!

p.s. I might lack experience in actual spellwork… but I am a warrior, physically and mentally. And in the end, I will not stop at just protecting myself if there is any chance I can do something about the root of the problem, and in doing so help protect the people around me. That is, if something really is attacking my boss or my work place, I will try to do something about it. It’s not just about me, after all. People get physically SICK in my workplace, and I have to at least try to do something about it. After all, the office did elect me as the safety representative… 😉 If they only knew how seiously I take that task! 😛

 

 

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Last night as I went to bed I realized it is time for me to attempt to do some real magic. *takes a heavy breath*

This is all new to me. Though I have chatted with spiritual beings for years, and often have prayed or asked for assistance, I have never actually attempted a real spell. The difference, of course, being that this time I will not just simply ask nicely for help, I will actually try to do the deed myself.

Here is a bit of background:

I have always felt like my boss have a bit of a problem. She is extremely tense all the time, and while I’ve previously just thought it might be a result of being overworked, I am now wondering if it might not be so simple. In fact, I am starting to wonder if she hasn’t got something nasty and negative spiritual being attached to her. Whether or not that’s the case, I want to try and do something about it, both for her sake and for the rest of the office.

Perhaps you could help me with a second opinion? Here are the facts, plain and simple.

> She seems to never relax. Ever.

> She is constantly prepared for battle and responds  with aggression to any questions or comments, as if she expects everything to be an attack.

> People are scared of her.

> Her energy feels a bit like a cactus, spiky and aggressive.

Despite all this, I would honestly say that she has no ill intentions whatsoever. She is also very clever and works hard (too hard!) to make the office successfull. At one point she even came to me, asking for an honest opinion on how she is really perceived. Because somehow people tend to perceive her as a bitch. At that moment I felt like I saw her soul, raw and vulnerable.

This is also interesting:

> People tend to get sick a whoooole lot in our office. Headaches are standard and we eat a freaky amount of painkillers just to get through the day. I myself have experienced getting tough headaches just from walking into the same room as her.

> I came down with a very sudden and unexpected cold yesterday. I was fine when I went to work, I sat down at the morning meeting and listened to her and noticed that she seemed to still be worried about the stuff we’d discussed the night before and was particularly thorns-out-passive-aggressive. I went out from the morning meeting and sat down at my desk. Withing ten minutes my head was aching, my throat was sore, my nose was running and I felt like I had a fever. And I couldn’t sell anything. Though I’m usually one of the absolute best, it just wouldn’t work.

I guess I have two different theories. Either my boss is so overworked that she herself exudes this very negative energy, or she is in the middle of an outside force that envelops her in negativity and aggression. I am leaning towards the second theory, since the whole thing is so extreme. I’ve seen people who are overworked to the limit of insanity, I’ve even myself succumbed to depression due to stress, but this is so extreme and feels almost unnatural. Plus, my intuition tells me she herself isn’t actually the cause of the problem, but rather a victim.

So far, I’ve asked the Mother help me be a point of stability at work, and have had a lot of focus on exuding calm and harmony to counter any aggressive energy. This might have done some good, and the other employees very easily comes to me for help and support  various questions. But it hasn’t improved the situation with the boss herself. Remember I said she tends to react to anything as if it was an attack? Well, people starting to turn to me for support seems to have made her think of me as competition, challenging her authority. Sigh…

So now what do I do? My plan so far is to do what I have never done before: active magic. The situation is so bad that I really need to give it my all, for the sake of all.

Since doing spellwork is completely new to me, I would deeply appreciate any suggestions. My plain so far is to:

> Cast a circle.

> Invite the Mother and Father to join me and assist me in the venture.

> Call out to my own spiritual guardians or guides and ask them to protect me and aid me.

> Call out to any positive spirit that may be close the my boss, such as a guardian spirit or spiritual guide, and ask them to come to my circle. Before them, state my purpose as being for her own good as well as for the good of everyone around her, and ask for their assistance.

> (Now for the tricky part!) Call out to any negative presence or energy that might be surrounding her, and BANISH it.

> Call out for any well-meaning spirits and send them to her. Ask them to surround her with feelings of love and peace. Ask them to protect her from any mallicious spirits that may try to get at her.

> Turn to her spiritual guardian/guide and give thanks for their help, and ask them to return to her.

>Turn to my own spiritual guardians/guides and thank them for my help, asking them for continued protection against any spiritual retribution from any mallicious being I might have pissed off.

> Thank the Mother and Father for their love and protection, and ask them to keep protecting me.

> Close the circle.

So, this is my plan so far. How to actually do this, I am not so sure of, yet. Suggestions and ideas are very very welcome! Especially the part where I need to banish the mallicious spirit I really need to figure out. After all, I have no idea what may be surrounding my boss, for all I know it could be the tinyest little nonsense or the scariest demon. So in other words, I need to know what I am doing and have a detailed plan.

This is not something I will rush into, and when I have written the actual words of the ritual I think I’ll post them here for you to read and possibly comment on. And this may sound silly, but I’ve never actually cast a true circle before. So I should probably try only that part first, so I know how to do it for real and not just in theory. So perhaps I should start by doing a ritual where I only cast the circle, invite the Mother and Father, and ask for the presence of my spiritual guide/guardians to ask them for advice in the matter? Or what do you think?

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Just Having a Bad Day

What’s wrong with today? First my mood crashed completely after meeting with  a particularly stubborn and frustrating lady. Me and my hubby are building a house this summer, and this lady is the salesperson managing the whole thing. Somehow she manages to piss us off every single time, I don’t know how she does it!

Then a crappy day turned a bit crappier, and already having been pushed out of my regular calm mood it got me over the edge, sort of. You see, there was this thing at work that I felt was a bad idea. And since I’m not one to just sit quiet, I went up to the boss and simply said that I don’t think that this is a good idea because of this and that. After which I completely forgot the whole thing and just went on with my day.

But then as I got home I got a call from boss number two, head boss of the office. She is a really good boss, in my opinion, though she veeery easily goes into some sort of defensive mode, lashing out at anyone who speaks up. And now she was pissed at me for speaking up.

You see, just recently I got elected as a sort of representative at work, to whom the other employees could come with problems they have at work, if they don’t feel comfortable chatting to the bosses directly. As such, I also have connections with the union. And apparently the bosses are starting to worry that their power is being challenged, that I will start picking on everything that’s not politically correct and so on. See what I mean? To me, this is completely ridiculous, since I don’t give a shit about the politically correct.

The thing is, when I spoke up today I wasn’t speaking as a representative, I was just reacting to a situation that could have gone wrong. And by speaking up I apparently worried boss number one and piss off boss number two. And today, just today… I just couldn’t take that. My eyes are now puffy from crying and my nose is all clogged up. I am just trying to help, and I wish the bosses knew that I’m usually the one who defends their decisions, and supports them. But no, instead they think I am challenging their authority, the absolute opposite of what I am trying every day to do! I don’t understand, what more can I do?

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