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Posts Tagged ‘Valborg’

Still working hard on being mindful. Some days it comes pretty easy. Yesterday was not such a day. 

The night before my husband let slip a comment which, despite being said without ill intent, hit me hard. It knocked me out of my happy place and made me feel like crap.

What really surprises me is how such a small thing could mess me up. As I awoke the morning after I felt really sad, and for the rest of the day I struggled with anxiety. I still feel just a hint of it, nagging at my edges.

It feels like that comment punched a tiny hole, and that hole let the darkness in. My defenses are still so thin the tiniest pebble of negativity seems to break through. And as soon as there is a crack, more darkness gets sucked in. Darkness that really has nothing to do with the pebble that came first.

Moving on.

We’ve continued to work on our little piece of land, preparing it for the day when we can start building (we’re just waiting for the legal stuff to go through!). In other words, we’ve been working our asses of gathering brushwood from the ground into large piles. And with ‘brushwood’ I mean everything from tiny branches to small trees to four meters of rotten timber, that was covering the ground. So far we’ve gathered 10-12 piles, each pile being ca 1,50 m tall and 2-3 m wide. Yeah, that’s a lot. My body is covered in tiny bruises where the sticks have poked me. My muscles are constantly sore. And I love it.

Being outside in the gorgeous spring weather, AND working hard with my body, AND bonding with the piece of land that already feels like home? It’s marvellous. For the last two weeks, me and hubby have gone out there as often as possible, we can hardly stay away…

Unfortunately we lost our camera there this weekend. None of us understand how it happened, but it’s just gone. =( As we were looking for it I asked the land spirits to please help me find the camera, I even promised them to bring offerings next time if they just helped… but no, I didn’t find it. Somehow, I couldn’t get passed the feeling that the whole thing was a prank, done by some naughty little being. 

Me and hubby are also planning to light a great big bonfire on Valborg, together with our friends (if they want to join us!). If all goes according to plan we’ll  hold a spring blót  and then stay over night (in tents). BUT it all depends on one thing: the weather. If it’s too rainy and cold it would be just too nasty plus no one would wanna join us. If it’s too dry and windy we wont be able to light the fire, since we have no good source of water out there and we must not let the fire spread. So if I could ask for the perfect weather conditions I’d order really lots and lots of rain the days before, and then sunny warm weather on the actual day. =) Please?

Oh well. I think it’s time for me to center myself in meditation and try to strengthen my shields, and then do some house work. I’ve said it before and I say it again – I’m amazed how quickly cleaning has become a calming and strengthening activity for me. It helps me stay focused and calm… plus it’s always nicer to have a clean home, right?! =)

Love and light!
Journeymaid 

 

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