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Posts Tagged ‘offerings’

It was long overdue, the candle and offering I promised to Ochún. Finally I got to it, last night at the woodland shrine. I brought fresh water, sweet  dried apricots, a gorgeous golden peacock feather ornament, and a bright yellow candle. I was looking all over town for honey caramels, but found none. Next time.

All afternoon I had the rhythms of Ochún playing in my mind. I remembered the dance steps, my hips moved, my feet moved, my arms and hands moved.

Once I was there, at the shrine, and brought my offering to Her, it was beautiful but strangely silent. I felt humbled. I felt almost ashamed. Realization struck, why I have never entirely connected to Her. Why She always felt distant. I never felt myself good enough, beautiful enough, sexy enough.

Ochún, stand with me. I desperately need Your guidance. 

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I am only becoming more and more certain that the spot we call our shrine, that I have mentioned and described in this blog several times already, really is a powerful spot. Even my atheist husband feels it, and strongly. The four big rocks, almost as tall as I am, cradling a fifth “altar” stone, about half the size. And underneath the altar stone, a natural cavity.

That cavity under there. It feels like a gateway. A portal. I still haven’t explored it fully but I just know what it is, what it means.

Offerings I normally place on the altar stone. I bring food, mead, beer. I light candles. I meditate, pray and just listen. The gateway underneath is not for offerings. Not normal ones, anyway, I think. Without anyone telling me, I just know, that I should leave an item in there to infuse it with power. I just know that if I need communicate with the other side, that gateway can carry a message. This I just know.

There is something twirling around the back of my head, this feeling I can’t shake. I think I shouldn’t be hogging this for my own use only. Not all have the luxuary of an open portal in their back yard. I have a hard time writing this because I do not wish to sound arrogant or self aggrandising but

I can’t even finish that sentence. It still isn’t clear.

Ancestors, embrace me.

Spirits, guide me.

Gods, be with me.

You who listen, help me find my voice. 

You who speak, help me understand.

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Change

Today has been a day of both sadness and strength. I have been closing one chapter, left an era of my life behind, and opened up for a new one. There have been tears, many tears, but they have felt good because I knew it was the right decision.

It was right on time. My darling husband cracked, tonight. All the stress got to him, all the exhaustion. He cried, and he fell. I am so glad I was here to hold him and pick him up. It’s time for me to be the strong one now.

When he was broken, crying and drunk, we sat outside and talked. For a long while, just talked. Remembered and felt. Talked about our home. Our connection to the land. And let me tell you, no one listening would ever think him a “cold” atheist. He spoke with such passion about the land, this piece of land, how we belong here, how it is a part of us. It was deeply spiritual in nature.

Before we went inside we went by our little shrine, and offered some beer for the ancestors. Husband poured it onto the altar stone and asked for help.

And then let’s not talk about how he started talking about the four chaos gods from 40k. *cough* I literally had to stop him from calling on Khorne, Slaanesh, Nurgle and Tzeentch. >.> Let’s blame the beer, alright?

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I brought an offering to Freya tonight. Black currant pie, made from our first real crop of black currant since we planted the bushes. I sang to Her, called Her, and asked Her to be with us this coming week, let it be a week full of love. I lit a brand new candle, one only for Her.

Freya, watch over us. Grant us days of love and passion.

When I sang to Her, I caught glimpses of Ochún in my mind. Flashes of a beauty in yellow and gold, dancing by the river. I wondered if Freya and Ochún at the core are the same, only wearing different names in different cultures. I struck the thought from my mind quickly, this was not the time for such thoughts.

Freya, watch over us. Grant us days of love and passion.

Somehow it doesn’t feel like Freya and Ochún are the same. I don’t get the same… feeling, from them. If they are in fact the same, I clearly have been feeling different sides of them. Have any of you any thoughts or experiences in that question? Care to share?

For now, I will think. Ponder if I should get Ochún a candle of her own, a beautiful yellow candle of course, or if Freya’s candle is also hers.

No. Again, it doesn’t feel right. The more I think and feel, the more I believe they are not the same soul. Perhaps something closer to sisters, but not entirely the same. They feel different. I will get Ochún a candle too. I should dance for her, it has been too long since I did that. That will be next.

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Remember the spot I described in this post here, our little forest “shrine”? Turns out there is a cavity under the altar stone. Hadn’t seen that.

Last night I went out to get the wooden bowl back, that I two weeks ago put out on the altar stone with some oatmeal cookies and raspberries. I expected the bowl to be full of water (it has been raining a lot) and feared the offering in it might be all icky and moldy.

No sight of the bowl, it must have fallen off somehow. I leaned in, looked around the altar stone. No bowl. The BIGGEST wild strawberries I have ever seen, but no bowl. I knelt down and swept the grass away with my hands to get a better look. Oh, there. Hidden behind the grass there was a natural cavity reaching in underneath the great big altar stone. A mini cave. And there it was the wooden bowl. I reached inside and got it out.

The bowl was clean. No sight of the previous offering, no rain, no ick. It was dry and clean, apart from an intense smell of smoked ham.

Smoked ham. Huh. There has been no smoked ham in that bowl for months, a year maybe? And it has been cleaned many times since then. Not to mention it just spent two weeks out in the rain, with oatmeal cakes in it. Huh. I brought it in, silently held it up in front of my husband. He sniffed it. “Smoked… ham?” he guessed. Odd.

That natural cavity under the altar stone is brilliant, by the way. I am just wondering if I should let the archaeologist in me out and investigate if anyone else has put something down there before I start using it for offerings myself, or not…

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Well now I am embarrassed.

I sat down to read the runes for another Journey, who was kind to let me practice with a runic reading for her.

I am sorry, Journey. I don’t have an answer yet. *shuffles awkwardly*

I sat down, lit Odin’s candle and asked for his presence and guidance. I am just learning to understand the runes, and I asked as humbly as I could for his help.

The offerings I brought to him were all wrong, I felt it the moment I put them down. Taking simply what I myself thought tasted nice, and not really thinking about what HE would like… I gave him strawberries. And cocoa. And dried dates.

Yes, I am embarrassed now. As I offered the oh so sweet food it felt as though I could hear him.

Beer. Sausages. Beer. Offer me what you would have offered your man. Beer. 

I stared at the strawberries and I quite possibly blushed. It was so silly, all wrong.

I am a MAN.

Beer and sausages, I promised him. I’m sorry, I will bring you beer and sausages next time. A vague sense of amusement trickled my way but I carried on.

I cast the runes. All while I was doing it, a deer stood maybe 30 meters away from me, barking like crazy. I cast the runes. Gibberish. It didn’t make sense. I don’t think I have ever cast the runes and so clearly felt that it didn’t mean anything.

That vague amusement.

Beer.

*sigh* I will need offer him beer. Beer and that particular kind of sausage that my husband likes. I feel silly now, I am sorry Odin. I knew it as soon as I pulled the strawberries out of the fridge, that it wasn’t what you wanted, but lazy me couldn’t be arsed with getting something else. Thank you, though, for being there. I felt your presence, and that means more to me than whether or not I could manage to read the runes or not.

Journey, I will try to answer your question as soon as I have brought Odin some proper offerings!

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