Posts Tagged ‘Mother’

We went out for a private summer solstice blot, me and my husband. I had been thinking about a good location, a spot we can return to again and again, here on our little plot of land. There were possibilities but I hadn’t decided. My husband, who isn’t of my faith but respects it, came with me out to look. And he said, “What about those rocks up there?” He pointed out towards the wild ground just outside our land, towards the woods. “There is a spot up there that I think would be just right.”

He showed me to a large rock. It wasn’t flat, didn’t have the qualities of an altar, but it just felt right. We both stood there and looked, and both said that yes, this is right, this location.

Just as we had decided, I realized we should look at it from the other side. The ground is wild and overgrown, we could from where we stood only see a little bit. So we walked around it, and it felt as though it just clicked. There. The first rock was only one of several, there were four large rocks close to each other, reaching up to my chest at least. They stood in a slight arch, and in front of them stood a sightly lower, fifth rock. This was it.

We lit Mother’s and Father’s candles. We offered potent raspberry mead. To Father, to Mother, to any other God watching over us, and to the ancestors. For a good summer. For our family. For a child. For us to stand strong together even if no child comes.

It was beautiful. There are many words words to say and write but I believe I should leave it at that, for tonight. I wish you all a happy summer solstice, and a brilliant summer.

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Trying to reconnect

Last night before bed I tried to reconnect with Mother. I lit her candle, focused, prayed.

While I feel I am slowly getting back the ability to at least relax, and my focus is improving, I am still far from back. I tried to reconnect. Asked for help. Asked as humbly as I could, pleaded. Only asking for help to feel and connect again. I tried so hard I almost cried.

But nothing.

I hope that the emptiness and silence was on my end. I just don’t want to think She would reject me. I can’t think that She would. It must be on my end, I am not yet back, open for that connection.

It’s not entirely true, though. It wasn’t completely empty. I felt a sliver of something. But it just wasn’t Mother. I think, maybe I felt a sliver of myself?


The more vibrant dreams continue. Last night, perhaps a bit too much. I dreamt of an argument and a struggle, I was wrestling someone. I woke up startled when the husband yelled out. When I in the dream had bitten my opponent, I in reality had bitten the husband’s back. I could see the bite mark and all. Oops.

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For many years I’ve felt a clear connection to him I call Father, and for the last 4-5 years I’ve also felt the same kind of connection to her I call Mother. During all that time there’s always been a clear direction in that connection. I’ve always felt very clearly that Father is above, towards the sky, and Mother is below, within Earth. Or perhaps even being Earth. Not sure.

Now, things are started to get switched up. It’s all weird, and I honestly have no idea if it’s me who’s changed or lost the touch or whatever, of if Mother and Father themselves are actually moving. 

First I lost touch with Mother. It was as if I couldn’t feel where she was any more, i called her on the phone but no one was home, sort of. That was this winter and spring.

For the last month or so I am once again able to feel the direction of the divine, only it’s all changed. It freaks me out every time, and usually gets me so confused that I drop out of meditation thinking that I must have gotten something wrong. Because for the last couple of months, she’s been above. And Father has been… both above and below, constantly changing. 

I really need your advice on this. Do you think my signal is blurred or disrupted in some way, or do you think it’s possible that Mother and Father are actually up an moving? It seems so weird to me, as these are no deities that usually go roaming around, so to say. Mother is Earth. Gaia, some call her. She’s always been the most stable force I’ve known, always residing in the ground below my feet. As for Father, I can totally get it that he’s moving around a bit, but what’s he doing in the ground below, somehow temporarily taking the place of Gaia? My spiritual compass feels all messed up, I really don’t get it. 

Is anyone else experiencing the same thing? Could there be something big going on? I am always reluctant to bring up the 2012 prophecies, but I can’t shake the feeling that there really is some kind of big change happening on a massive scale. Either that or my compass is broken. Don’t know. So please, tell me your feelings about this! Is something going on in the spiritworld that is out of the ordinary? If you are also connected to the great Mother and Father, have you noticed any changes? 

On a more personal note, I just wanna mention that I’m having a great summer. Me and my hubby are mostly out working the land, preparing for our house to be built, and planning for the future. Still no pregnancy, but I think I am coming to terms with my body perhaps not wanting to have a baby until we’re settled in our new home. In time, all will work out. =)


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Me and Hubby might be in trouble here. Deep trouble. We’ve got a piece of land (check!). We talked to the authorities about all the permits many months ago and they said everything would be fine and dandy by mid may – at the very latest (check!). We’ve ordered a house to be built at the end of summer (check).

So what could possibly go wrong? Huh. Turns out you can’t trust the authorities to make a trustworthy assessment of this kind of issue. They messed things up, of course they messed things up. Nothing we can do about it, all the paperwork is done and everything is in order BUT the authorities just haven’t closed the case, and now they are saying that if we’re lucky it MIGHT be done by the end of june. WTF?!

We shouldn’t have trusted the authorities judgement of when the whole thing would be done and the permits would be in our hands. We were naive, and now we might be financially ruined if the house building company decides it’s too late to push up the delivery date. This is bad. Really bad. Like nightmarishly bad, our dream home and economical future is hanging in the balance.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. I will petition the gods and ask for their help, beg them to help speed up the permit process. I am also thinking of trying to influence the process on a magical level, I just gotta figure out how. And that’s where I’m asking you for help. What kind of ritual would you suggest? Any other pointers?

It might not work, I know. But at this point I am desperate and I’d rather try too much than too little.

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Good morning everyone! Seems like spring starts off with a bang, going from cold and snowy to sunny and warm(er) weather. Yay spring!

As you all know, yesterday was the spring equinox. It was a good day. Really, a very good day. I started off by doing some tidying up at home. Then I moved outside and did some “tidying up” in the nearby forest. It always upsets me to see the amount of trash that just lies around…






As I was snapping this last photo my mom called, asking if she could come over. And so an hour later she dropped bye, and we had a great time together (unusually good actually!).

After mom left I got creative and made this earring hanger thingy. These things have been laying around in jewelry boxes, all entangled and messy, some have gotten lost and well, it’s been terribly irritating. So here we go, no more mess!



I made it out of scrap material. The base is a piece of cardboard. The shiny white fabric covering it comes from a slinky nightgown that I bought cheep and that never actually fit, so it’s just been laying around. The black what-you-call-it at the bottom is from another piece of lingerie that also had a bad fit. The blue wobbly ribbons that are oh so practical for hanging hooks on are left overs from a sewing project a couple of years ago. The white ribbons it hangs from are the shoulder straps from the white nightgown.

This pretty much sums up what I think about do-redo or salvage philosophy. We need to stop throwing stuff away indiscriminately, and start seeing used man-made stuff as materials that can be used for something new. So, to celebrate the spring equinox it felt like a good idea to do some work for the resource balance of earth. Plus it turned out really good and it made me happy. =)

I also had time to do some baking, and made two kinds of bread that me and hubby happily tasted last night when still all oven-warm. Yummmm….

Before bed, I sat by my altar and lit the Mother’s and Father’s candles, gave offerings and burned bay leaves. I was remarkably calm, as I had been all day, and really didn’t have much to say. So in the end I just sat there, smiling silly, and felt myself connected to Mother and Father, watching the candle flames dancing.

And so spring begins. Love and light to you all!


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I just read this post by Amber on In The Arms of Mother Earth and something in it struck me as very interesting. The post talks about how it’s easy to forget (whether on purpose or not) the God, and focus all ones attention on the Goddess. Further on, Amber mentioned that springtime is a good time to connect with the God:

“This time of year, with Spring coming represents the rebirth of the God in his masculine form, and we are reminded more of him, because the sun is stronger this time of year, and the sun is the biggest symbol of the God.”

Somehow, I’ve always associated spring more with Mother than with Father. But for the last couple of weeks I’ve felt Mother grow more and more distant while Father has come closer and closer. At first I wondered if I’d done something to offend Mother, or if she thought I was on the wrong path, but the more I thought about it the more I felt that just wasn’t the case. I’ve read other blogs about how one can experience a silent period, where suddenly the connection to certain deities just seem to vanish, and people’s thoughts on why this is. It does seem like certain deities simply go away for certain time periods, yet I never expected this to be true of the Mother.

Yet she hasn’t really gone away, I can still feel her. But it’s like she’s turned away, and not answering. Not really like she’s sleeping, more like she’s got her attention somewhere else.

Father, on the other hand, feels closer than in a loooong time.

I wonder if this is due to what time of year it is. Before, I’ve never actually connected to the gods so regularly that I could observe such things, but of course there have been times when it’s been harder to connect. While at other times the gods have seemed very very close indeed.

This makes me most curious of how it will be next year… and of course, at what point Mother will return to me. In two days time I will celebrate the spring equinox (in Swedish Vårdagjämningen), and I had hoped the Mother had re-appeared by then. We’ll just have to see about that! Anyhow, it feels like the spring equinox is not only about celebrating nature and fertility, but also the passing of seasons and the balance in nature.

So far, my plan for the spring equinox are pretty humble. No grand feasts or gatherings, no. But the plan is to get out and do some hands-on work to honor the Earth: picking garbage from the woods. It’s an activity sorely needed around here, I’m afraid. It’s really upsetting that people in general in my neighbourhood just throws trash everywhere. I look forward to spending some time cleaning up. Afterwards I will bring a small offering out into nature, and take a moment to honor the woods and the wildlife. Then I will do a ceremony to call on both Mother and Father, and give offerings to both.

That’s all I know so far. Will you do something special on the spring equinox? Is there anything you’d like to share? Any tips on activities that are extra suitable? =)

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During last night’s meditation I posed a question.

It started with a feeling. A need for guidance. A wish for stability. I am constantly learning, yes. But it’s all very unstructured, it’s a-little-bit-here and a-little-bit-there.

Some covens/pagan groups have a direct hierarchy that includes teachers, who in an organized fashion teach newcomers. This is something that I instinctively turn against, mainly because I often that those “teachers” may in fact be no more skilled than the pupils, and often just want to have a following of loyal subjects. (Of course I don’t think that it’s always like that, there are definitely a lot of good teachers out there as well!)

But there is great advantage of having a teacher who can tell you what to do. I am not talking about listening to lectures about spirituality, the world and how to do stuff (because all that you can learn on your own, either by reading and talking to others or by your own experiences). No, I am talking about discipline.

I often wish I had a mentor who could give me tasks.

“For a whole year, meditate daily and keep a detailed journal of any thoughts/impressions that appear during those sessions.”

“Keep a detailed dream journal. No cheating, write down EVERYTHING.”

“For a whole calendar year, spend a little time each day outside contemplating nature and the natural cycles of time.”

“Each Sunday, use the runes to foretell what you will face in the coming week. Write everything down. Look back on the week that just passed, contemplate how last week’s divination may or may not have been accurate.”


You get the point, right? So last night during the meditation I put it out there, and asked the Mother to find me a spiritual mentor. Not a physical, living person but someone from the spiritual realm.

An immediate response flooded my insides. Not sure how much came from the Mother and how much came from myself, but the message is equally true.

You don’t need such a mentor. You know what to do.

And yes, of course I know what to do. Just look at the list I just did! All of those tasks would be great, and would probably greatly benefit my inner development. No, what I lack is self discipline. I come up with so many things to do, but I never manage to keep at it. I just find something new to try.

And in that conversation with the Mother, I felt a bit like a spoiled child. I almost felt embarrassed asking for a spiritual guide to tell me what to do, cuz I don’t have enough self discipline to do it myself. And all I got for a reply was silence, which only increased my embarrassment.

Aaaha. I think I got the message. I have the knowledge to put myself to work, spiritually. I have the potential to develop a whole lot. I just need to learn self discipline. And really, that’s a major thing in my life, so many aspects of my life would be greatly improved if I could just learn self discipline.

So I am not supposed to have a mentor to crack the whip, that would be counter productive. I have to grab the whip myself. No excuses.


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