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Posts Tagged ‘mental exercises’

I am a chronic multitasker.

This I have realized as I’ve begun to work on being mindful and aware of there here and now. Multitasking to me comes as natural as breathing. I used to think this was a good thing, but now I realize that I’ve been living in an illusion.

What does it really mean to multitask?

A simple answer would be “two do several things at the same time, such as watching tv and knitting simultaneously”.

And isn’t that practical? On the surface, yes. But what it’s really all about is splitting your attention. Or perhaps even splitting your self.

Multitasking isn’t just about doing stuff simultaneously. I’ve finally realized, by close observation of myself, that I usually walk around with my mind detached from reality.

You know the type, I’m sure. Walking around with her head in the clouds, forgetful yet creative, always coming up with ideas and always in the middle of some fantasy… Yeah, that’s me. And to be honest, until recently I wanted it to stay like that.

But what I’ve come to realize is that by (almost) never being aware and present in the here and now, I’ve missed experiencing reality. Now, I am trying to change that.

Even considering spirituality, this has opened new doors for me and I’m finally learning to understand. Before, I thought that paying to close attention to the physical world around us was detrimental to spirituality, thinking that one would sort of close off the mind from meta-physical experiences by focusing on the mundane.

But now I understand but it’s actually the other way around. By being locked in thoughts and fantasies and not really being aware of reality, you’ll most likely miss most of the meta-physical messages/experiences. Why? Because the spiritual, the meta-physical, is a part of reality while your fantasies are not.

It’s just like the weirdo powerful spirit presence told me when I was a kid: “You can do anything, if you learn to be completely aware at all times.”

Back then I was just a kid and didn’t understand what that truly meant, I didn’t wanna give up my constant stream of fantasies, so I decided not to even try this awareness thing.

But it’s not like this awareness thing is about experiencing the supernatural, no. That’s just a cool side effect. =) And yes, since I’ve started working on being mindful (which is surprisingly hard!) I’ve had a dramatic increase in meta-physical encounters (each one may seem small and insignificant, but none the less awsome). Which is why I am writing this, totally amazed by the whole thing.

Yet, I gotta say being aware/mindful is hard work. Especially when one has spent years and years multitasking. I think the simplest way is to focus on a single task. Like right now, I am writing this text. I am aware of how my fingers move across the laptop and the only thing happening in my mind is that inner voice reading out what I am about to write down, a millisecond or so before. I try to also be aware of my breathing, how I am sitting, how the room looks around me etc etc, but I gotta say I’m not really there yet. For you see, as soon as I notice my breathing I drop the focus and temporarily forget to be mindful of the writing.

It’s hard. But I am learning. And I try not to expect too much, but to start slow. So right now, it’s ok to only be aware of one thing at a time. But then I gotta stay with it, and not get distracted by the multitude of thoughts just waiting to ambush me. Stay with it. And if I wanna change focus, then go ahead. But be aware of the change, be mindful of what’s going on.

I would have thought it easy to focus on only one thing at a time. Oh, how wrong I was!

 

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I am experiencing both positive and negative developments in my spiritual practice right now. Let me start with the negative so I can end with the positive. =)

The last two evenings as I have sat in meditation, I have engulfed myself in awareness. First going through my physical body in a body scan. Then calmly noticing the surface beneath me, the sounds around me, the house I am in. Then turning to my mind, silently acknowledging whatever shows up before my inner sight.

But for the last two evening meditations I have reached a point where I run into trouble. A knot somewhere in my mid-section, close to the solar plexus. From that knot strands of unease seem to radiate through my body, triggering almost a fight-or-flight mode and as my body starts to tense up my mind slips into a kind of pre-panic. Both times this has happened I tried to talk myself through it, tried to let myself just float through the emotion, accepting it and letting it pass. But no, the sensation running through my body was so physically tangible that I felt I couldn’t stay in the meditation. I had to shake it off, just had to… So both times I ended the meditation hurriedly, by creeping down in bed and asking the Mother and Father to protect me and help me calm down. Both times I’ve fallen asleep immediately after that and slept soundly throughout the night.

I am pretty sure this is all a part of my current state of mind. Light to medium depression. No good. But I’m working through it. And I will continue with my awareness excercises and if I keep running into the same problem… well I will just have to keep trying to let it pass. One day I will see it through.

 

Moving on to the positive side of things, I am very happy with how my meditation skills are improving (if you disregard that certain anxiety related problem I mentioned above). As I sit down, close my eyes and count backwards from ten to zero I find myself completely immersed within seconds. It feels almost like stepping into another kind of excistence, where I am very conscious and present in the now yet also existing in a different plane alltogether. It all goes so quickly now, just a couple of seconds and I’m there. To those of you who have a longer history of meditating, does this sound familiar?

And now for something completely differnt. I experienced a spontanous psychic connection with my hubby the other day, which made me very happy. He started saying something about an idea he had gotten about what would look good in the home we’re building this summer. As he said that, in my mind I saw our big black sound speakers in the living room, saw the spotlights behind them pointing up, saw a golden metal placed on the wall behind the speakers, stretching up towards the ceiling and reflecting the light. This thing, with the golden metal behind the speakers, was not something I had ever thought of before, it was a completely new idea for me. Yet I saw it in my mind, as clear as day. And what did my hubby say just a second later? He said he’d just come up with a cool idea – placing golden sheet metal on the wall behind the speakers, to reflect the light! Oh yeah, methinks me and my hubby are on the same page here…

 

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I feel like I should say a few words about how things are going, but I don’t really have much to say tonight.

My husband returned from his travels a few days ago, yay! You have no idea how well I’ve been able to sleep at night now that he’s back… truly glorious sleep…

Each night right before bed I continue to work on the awareness excercise, calmly noticing whatever floats through my mind without getting too attached. I think I am getting better at it.

Last night I also prayed a little to Mother and Father and lit their candles. I found myself drawn to Father’s flame, which doesn’t happen often. But last night his flame danced a wild dance (twhich I found no physical reason for, there was no draft and Mother’s candle right next to it was all still) and seemed to wanna tell me something. I tried to listen but I can’t say I got any specific messages. That’s ok, I feel like the most important part of it was feeling a connection to Him, knowing he was reaching out for me. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. =)

By the way, my work situation has improved somewhat now that I have moved to the other office. It’s so much lighter, it’s got better air quality and less energy-sucking people! (Only one energy sucker present, I notice the energy in the room getting brighter immediately as she goes home…) I do however still feel pretty awful, the depression seems to have gotten a hold of me again I’m afraid. Got a doctor’s appointment next week. We’ll see how that turns out…

Somehow, all will be ok.

And by the way, it’s my birthday tomorrow. Happy birthday to me!

*gives myself a long and warm hug*

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Last night right before going to sleep I immersed myself in a little awareness excercise. With my body completely relaxed I started looking (with my eyes closed) and just noticing everything that popped up. Just noticing, being aware. A couple of times I lost focus as my mind started to follow certain trails, but generally it worked well.

I might add that around my neck I wore my necklace of red jade (yes, I’ve reached the conclusion that it’s probably red jade).

Something interesting happened, interestingly as my mind started wandering… With a bang I was thrown back. It wasn’t one of those instances where you’re waking from sleep, feeling like you’re falling out of bed or such. No this was different. Felt a bit like crashing into reality.

I immediately opened my eyes and stared in front of me.

A cat.

A big, black cat.

Not Caspar or Balthazar, my little darlings. They were downstairs and didn’t notice a thing.

The black cat was all scruffy-looking. Semi-long hair. It stood on my bed, down on the left. Completely still, and starting at me.

Really, staring hard. I can’t really decide if it was startled, or just trying to startle me.

I was a bit shocked. I knew this couldn’t be an actual physical cat. But it was really there!

I closed my eyes for a moment, blinked hard, and looked back. The cat was gone.

I layed back, took off the red jade and tried to get back into the awareness. Still startled, it was a bit tricky. Eventually I just fell asleep.

And oh, the pic above is just one I wound online. It’s pretty similar to the cat I saw, only it wasn’t a young kitten bit a really big, fully grown adult. And it didn’t have a white patch on the chest. Other than that it’s a dead ringer!

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There is one concept that I keep stumbling onto. Still, I have not yet given it a serious try. But… as I keep seeing references to it, I am starting to think I should take it a bit more seriously.

Have I got snow on my head?

Some time ago, I mentioned a very special experience I had as a young teen. It seems like I had a spontaneous obe in which I… well, I seem to have gotten to a place where I wasn’t supposed to be. Because this oh-so-powerful being sent me back, crash and bang. It’s all described in here:

https://myinnerpath.wordpress.com/2011/12/14/god-godess-mother-earth-angels/

The day after that experience I was thinking, and thinking, and thinking. While going about my everyday business my mind was somewhere else, totally immersed in the conundrum of who I had met and what the experience really meant. And I thought about magic.

While sitting on a bus I put the question out there: could I do real magic?

Somehow, I got a whispered reply. At that moment I interpreted it as coming from the being that I had encountered in my obe, but I really don’t know about that.

He told me that yes, I could do anything.

But how?

He said the answer lie in complete awareness.

He let me understand that if I could reach true and complete awareness all the time I could manipulate the world around me in ways that to the ordinary human seems impossible. In other words, magic.

At this point I got a bit scared. To me, it seemed like complete awareness would force me to give up fantasies. After all, while immersed in a fantasy one is not as aware of the surroundings! And following on that thought, I got a thought that really gave me the chills. I wondered if complete and utter awareness wouldn’t eliminate empathy?

In my mind I saw a scenario that scared me. I saw myself with all kinds of magic powers, but without the ability to relly feel. Hurriedly, I told the being no. I’d rather keep my ability to fantasize, to place myself in other people’s situations and feel, than have magic powers. And after my clear no, the being disappeared.

Since then, the concept of mindfullness has gotten pretty popular. Which really is just a fancy word for being aware. I’ve even got a book on the subject, which I got from my mom this christmas.

Now the last couple of weeks, I have read a whole lot about different methods of how to achieve hightened spiritual abilities. Yes, magic. And somehow, all excercises seem to include a very important part: awareness.

I’ve been trying to find a link to the site I was reading on the other day, which held such a good example of this, but noooo… can’t find it. But it was about so called Chaos magic, and held practical excercises to sharpen the mind and prepare for magic. And what did those excercises start out with? Sitting back and noticing everything. Just being aware.

This morning I followed the link provided by Xanth, in a comment to a previous blog post of mine. The blog post was about how to have and OBE, and Xanth referred to the concept of phasing. Following the links I got to exercises, meant to eventually lead to OBEs. And guess what? It’s all about being aware.

As you surely already know, Buddhist meditation is also all about awareness. Being completely immersed in the now.

That first thing I mentioned, the message from the unknown entity telling me that the road to magic and spiritual abilities lies in complete awareness… I was just a kid. The modern mindfulness hadn’t even been invented. And I still thought meditation was all about NOT being aware, to just float away in the mind… So the message truly came out of the blue, and I am convinced it was a true spiritual message from a source that probably knew what it was talking about.

And remember that the thought that complete awareness would lead to a loss of the ability to fantasize and empathize was just my own conclusion…

I’m thinking I really should give this awareness thing a serious try.

 

Oh, on a side note… Last night when I couldn’t sleep I did a tiny little mental exercise. I simply tried to notice any images or thoughts that happened to float through my mind, but without getting stuck in it. Sigh… Isn’t one supposed to get basic darkness in which glimpses of things appear? Huh. I get a solid stream of images with the occational glimpses of darkness. Kinda tiresome to keep noticing all, actually. I guess I need a bit of practice…

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Working on raising my defenses against negative energy/influence, I have been reading a lot about the properties of various semi-precious stones. Most of this knowledge wasn’t really new, as my mother taught me a whole lot on the subject already when I was a kid. However, much of that knowledge has become somewhat blurred, and I find it strengthens me to re-discover it.

I have quite a collection of stone beads left from when I used to make jewlery. Amethyst, jade, carnelion, tiger’s eye, rose quartz… And today I also bought a small pack of onyx beads, and a whole string of hematite chips. I would of course have preferred to have larger stones… but for now it will have to do.

I also rummaged through my jewlery box and pulled up an amber pendant, a ring set with a piece of amber, a jade pendant, and a pendant I once made containing little beads of rose quartz and jade. Then there was the gorgeous necklace and matching earrings (my husband’s parents got them for me after their visit to China) made out of a whole lot of rather big, red stones. Not sure what kind, actually. At first I thought it was an unusually dark kind of carnelion… but now I don’t think so. Looks more like red jasper, I think.

All these gems I have worn at different times of my life, and all have also spent quite a lot of time just laying around. So before anything else, I felt I needed to cleanse them of any residual energy from the past.

I got down in front of my makeshift altar (a rather large wooden box with a flat top that I use to store all my spiritual goodies and candles in) and set up the Mother’s candle, and the Father’s candle.

I lit their candles and asked for their presence.

Two blue glass bowls with water I placed on the altar. I wish I had more bowls available but two would have to do. I asked the Mother to bless the water.

Holding some salt in my hand, I asked the Father to bless the salt with his power. I then mixed the salt with the water.

The salt water gave off a very good vibe and truly felt blessed. Not wanting to simply wipe the water from my finger’s (it felt like such a waste) I smeared some on my own forehead, asking the Mother and Father to bless me. And some I smeared on my belly, asking them to bless my womb and help me conceive.

I then picked up the different gem stones, held them up and whispered at each an every one: With the power of the Mother and the Father, I cleanse you.

Carefully I placed the larger pieces (the ones I think is red jasper) in one bown, and the smaller pieces in the other.

Putting my hands over the bowls, palms down, I was struck by an unexpected sense of… well not power, really, that just sounds too big. No, it was more of a light and bubbly something radiating from underneath my hands. It was very obvious that something was going on there, and I have no doubt in my mind that the gems will be cleansed better than I could have hoped for.

When I finally withdrew my hands I was still amazed by the feeling, and didn’t really want to let go just yet.

Moving my hands towards eachother I willed energy to appear, as I have done before. And it came quickly, a slightly bouncy resistance in the “empty” space between my hands, growing larger for every breath I let out. It grew faster and bigger than ever before, and I revelled in the feeling. I analyzed every bit of the sensation, noticing how the energy shrunk slightly when I breathed in, how it was such a clear resistance when I tried to push my hands closer together and wondering exactly what the energy was. And now that it was growing so quickly between my hands, I mainly wondered what the heck I could do with it!   Not being able to figure it out, I eventually let it go, enjoying a quick sensation of it enveloping my head for a moment before it disappeared.

Some day I have to figure out what one can actually do with such a bouncy ball of energy. And how to do anything with it, except just enjoying the feel of it between my hands! Any suggestions?

I want to thank the Mother and Father so much for tonight’s experience. For the last day or so I’ve been wondering if I have any potential to do magic at all, or if I am only gifted with passive skills such as prophetic dreaming and such, and I was so afraid of being met with blank as I tried to work with the gems. But now I feel only joyful and empowered. I asked the Mother and Father to bless the water and salt, and they did. I know it, I could feel it in the very essence of the water. And placing the gems in the water and speaking those words I know I did something. A little bit of my own power willed them to be cleansed. As I felt the light and tingling energy I knew that I had just performed just a tiny bit of magic. That makes me so happy I can’t even describe it, and after trying to type an appropriate sentence about it 15 times or so I am just going to leave it at that. Happy happy joy joy! =)

 

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Good evening dear readers!

Today I had a little heart-to-heart conversation with my dear mother, and I told her about the message I’d gotten for her from her dad and grandma. Mom was first very quiet, and then seemed relieved somehow. Apparently the message had hit home a bit better than I’d thought. Then we started talking about certain experiences, and I mentioned my one and only out of body experience. Have I told you about that?

It was a completely spontaneous event some 6-8 years ago, and was scary as hell. You see, I didn’t expect it to happen and hadn’t even thought such a thing was possible. But all of a sudden, I was floating in mid air. First my left side had lifted, and then my right. I was in complete shock. I clearly wasn’t levitating, since my body was still down there, but I was hovering in mid air! When I realized I didn’t know how to get down I panicked. Yea, really. I thrashed and kicked like crazy in utter terror, trying desperately to get back into my body. After a little while I managed to calm down, and somehow realized that I needed to calm myself. As I pushed away the panic I regained control and suddenly I could lower myself into my body again, first one side and then the other, just like going up. I don’t think I’ve ever been so relieved in my entire life!

Turned out Mom had also had a few out of body experiences. Though when I mentioned that I’d recently been actively trying to achieve one again she just laughed. For her, it seems like a weird thing to do on purpose, probably because her own experiences seem to have been connected to very dark premonitions. My experience on the other hand was very local, and didn’t really seem to mean anything. It was just that my mind/soul/whatever popped out of my body without warning. No visions, no spirit messages or anything. Just very cool. =)

I’ve been reading about different techniques people say are good when trying to get an out-of-body experience/astral project themselves. And I gotta say, most of it to me sounds more like visualization or just a focused meditation. Imagining how I pull myself out of my body, or float out from the top of my head or imagine myself as a ball of light that floats away… Tell me how that’s not really “just” visualization? Now I can see the value in that too, I’m sure some people might get accurate visions or do remote viewing this way. But it sure as hell (pardon the language) doesn’t sound anything at all like what I experienced. It wasn’t some kind of visualization. I wasn’t creating images in my mind. It felt so damn physical! I wasn’t projecting my mind to a place outside my body, I just was outside my body! With no sense of the actual physical body whatsoever, not even the slightest hint that the physical me still extisted! I couldn’t feel the surface underneath my body, couldn’t move or even open my eyes even if I tried! Instead, whenever I tried to move it was my etheric body that responded (hence the kicking and thrashing and trying to get down). That was the >only< body I could sense at all.

Now I don’t know if that is really “normal” in astral projection, but that’s what I’d like to experience again, in a controlled way. But I really don’t know how to do this, as the techniques I’ve found online don’t work for me. Yes, I’ve tried. I visualize whatever is recommended (for example climbing a rope that stretches out of my body) and… I just continue to visualize. It becomes almost like a meditation where I create a scenario in my head. But that’s the problem, I never actually leave my own head. In other words, no real out-of-body experience.

Sigh… Do you understand my dilemma? Have you got any similar experiences? Any advide that doesn’t involve simple visualizing how I get out? I have been trying a little almost every day for the last couple of weeks, during my regular evening-meditation. And I think I’ve managed to get my hands free. And I’ve felt a weird sort of rocking motion going on, almost like my astrail body tried to get out but couldn’t. So I can get to the point where I am moving just a tiiiiiny bit without actually moving. Am I making any sense here?

Anyhow, ideas or comments are very welcome! I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!

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