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Posts Tagged ‘mental excercises’

I wonder… does this happen just to me or is it a common thing? Does anyone know why or how it happens?

Ok, let’s back up. Here’s what I’ve noticed:

When I practice mindfulness my body temperature seems to rise. Or at least, I feel as though I am getting hotter. After a couple of minutes I am sweating, though I am not physically active.

At first,I wondered if I was tensing up somehow and that was what caused the heat. But no, it happens even if I’m making sure my muscles are relaxed. Plus it doesn’t matter if I’m standing up, walking or sitting down. Since I am not yet accustomed to being this focused, I do feel like I am working my brain… like what I have always felt when deep in studies or academic pursuits, trying to firgure something out… only now I am focusing on mundane everyday tasks and attempting to hold all my attention at what I’m doing. 

The difference is, when working on problem solving or studying I never get this hot. Strange…

Btw, I should mention that such questions that arise are not something I give any energy while actually in the moment, so to say. It’s the same with my previous notes on the weird-visions-stuff I’ve been getting, it’s not something I think about while in the “zone” of mindfulness. No of course, while experiencing I just experience and observe. If I get curious I leave any questions or thoughts for later. =)

 

Other than that, I’ve had a couple of rough days mentally and physically. The day before yesterday I made a diet mistake (eating yummy but oh so fatty bacon pancakes) for which I paid dearly the night after as well as yesterday. At least my body seems to have become accustomed to healthy food, I just gotta remember not to upset the system with nasty stuff. Hopefully I’ll start working again next week, starting with just a couple of hours each day and then increasing week after week. 

Getting back to work is crazy scary and I tend to get all panicky from the thought. But still, not getting back to work is even MORE scary and since I don’t want to mess up our house-building-and-bank loan-plans I know that I gotta make it work. Yup, it’s make-it-work time.

I probably shouldn’t mention the pregnancy thingy. I should really stop thinking about it so much. But how the hell can I not think about it?! Within a week we should know if the insemination was successful or not. I might be pregnant right now. Or I might not be. Anyhow, I am getting super frustrated at my dear friends, who already are pregnant, and therefore seem to think they know everything. They think they know how I feel, they think they know how I think and what I should do, and they get this compassionate look in their eyes, feeling sorry for me yet being super pleased with their own situation. I love my friends, don’t get me wrong, and I know they only mean well. But if I get one more “try not to think about it, you’ll get pregnant eventually” I think I’ll scream. And please, please don’t tell me I should work on my mental health first, before worrying about getting pregnant, when a major part of my depression is due to not getting pregnant. For crying out loud, both my doctor AND my shrink says I should probably be ok as soon as I manage to get pregnant. So no, I will not wait with the pregnancy thing until I’ve gotten rid of the depression, cuz then I’ll be waiting forever. 

*and breathe…*

Love and light!

/Journeymaid

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