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Posts Tagged ‘animals’

I am still struggling. The last days have been horrible. I’ve fought heavy anxiety and grief that came as the result of a depressing appointment at the fertility clinic. It seems as though we might not get IVF yet, it was quite clear I thought that the shrink is going to not recommend us to get at it yet, on account of me being in recovery from depression. A depression brought on and made worse by the constant grief of not having managed to get pregnant. So, the last few days have been terrible.

But that wasn’t what I was going to tell you about. I was going to tell you that I am still dreaming. More and more, vibrant dreams like I used to have. I still have trouble remembering them but I remember that I did have them. Tonight, every time I woke up, I couldn’t wait to get back to sleep to carry on dreaming. Haven’t had that for years.

And then in the morning when I was lazily laying on my side, waiting for the husband to call out that the tea was ready, I felt a cat jump up on the bed and walk up behind my back. I turned around in bed and reached out to pet him, looking to see which of the cats it was. The bed was empty though, neither of our cats were there.

Oh.

Then I wondered if it had been Lillis or Ronja, the cats I grew up with, that were part of my family for so long. And then it struck me, I haven’t been aware of a visit like this for years. Just as with the dreams, other experiences have been absent for a couple of years. It used to be such a natural part of life for me but somehow it disappeared. I hope this was a first sign of it coming back.

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Creepy Catty Encounter

Something interesting just happened while we were outside walking our cats. Where we live now it’s not at all practical to let them out on their own, so we use leashes which actually works really well. Anyhow, I was holding Balthazar. He’s a very strong AND strong-minded cat who is more than a little bossy. He’s the kind of cat that loves walking up to unsuspecting dogs and freaking them out by kissing them right on the nose. =)

Now, quite a lot of people had walked by without Balthazar reacting any more than oh-well-there’s-another-human. But then all of the sudden, there was this one guy that walked by. A teenage boy of perhaps 17-18 yrs old, no different from the other boys who had also passed us, wearing a hoodie and a baseball cap, just like everyone else. He walked neatly with his hands in his pockets, without making any noise or behaving differently in any way.

Balthazar gave the guy one look, and was terrified. Wild-eyed, he ran homewards and refused to calm down no matter what I said. He dragged me all the way home (really dragged me, he’s a really strong cat and pulled quite hard on the leash!) and it wasn’t until we arrived on our doorstep that he looked up on me. His eyes were filled of fear.

Now that we’re inside, he’s ok again. It was just the first minute or two that he was still a bit on edge, so to say.

There was something about that teen that scared the crap out of Balthazar, the otherwise oh so brave and strong cat. There was absolutely nothing unusual about this kid that regular humans could pick up, and I probably wouldn’t have noticed anything unless B had reacted the way he did, but I am completely sure that something was really wrong.

think there was an aggressive energy oozing from that teenage boy. Not just the normal teen rebellious type, but more serious. Something dangerous. It felt like violence.

Oh, how I long for the day we can move out of this neighborhood!

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