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Archive for July, 2012

With bare feet

I go for a walk. It’s a beautiful and warm evening.

I go for a walk. Barefoot.

I go for a walk. Into the forest. Barefoot.

I enjoy the sensation of ground beneath my feet. It feels clean and so very real.

I should go barefoot more often.

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Hey there, I’m back home again after a couple of hours of hard work, and I thought I should tell you a little bit more about that strange event last night.

First of all, let me say this: I’m pretty sure this was a so-called “supernatural” event. Not that it isn’t natural… I just mean I really can’t find a physical reason for those dark drops to have ended up on me. I was inside in a perfectly dry room. No open windows, no condensation above. I was sitting perfectly still and couldn’t have knocked something over or anything, and I was alone in the room (my Husband was on the second floor) so there was no-one there who could have been teasing. The drops literally came out of nowhere.

 

Ok, making the assumption that the whole thing was somehow spiritually connected, there are now a number of questions floating in my mind. My gut reaction right after it happened was to sit down an meditate, and see if anything came up. Using the runes to ask for answers also felt like a good idea.

 

So I sat down and went into meditation, trying to reach both Mother and Father. And also Freya, since she’s come to me recently with some insights. With closed eyes I fingered my bag of runes, and started to ask questions.

Those dark drops… what were they? 

I drew three runes: Ansuz – Wunjo – Thurisaz

The first rune confirms the spiritual nature of the whole event, signalling that they originated in the spiritual or divine realm, and that they might even have been a message. Wunjo points at joy and positive energy, or even love. Thurisaz is connected with male energy, a violent reaction, destruction or change. And of course, the mystical being called the thurs. All together, Ansuz-Wunjo-Thurisaz, the message seems to be rather potent. I’m still reluctant to write up a summary just yet, so hold on.

Next question. From whom?  

Laguz

Laguz, how appropriate. Basically, it means water. However, just as water in itself is rich in symbolic value, laguz has too. I realize that I formulated my question badly, not being clear on if I meant “who is talking to me now?” or “who sent me the dark drops?” So I asked again, wanting to clear it up.

Who is sending me this information now? Who am I talking to?

Ansuz – Týr

I can’t help smiling. Týr literally means “god”, though it most often refers to the god Týr. As I spontaneously felt for Týr, wondering if it really was him, I got a nice little surprise. A nice tug of recognition, and I realized that Týr is Father. I felt embraced in warm and comforting light. And with the combination ansuz-tyr I felt pretty happy.

So the Laguz I got earlier, am I right to assume that it referred to the origin of the drops, where they came from?

Dagaz

I can only interpret that as a yes, that’s right. (Dagaz representing dawn, insights and breakthroughs)

 

If the drops were a message, what did they mean? 

Algiz

Protection? Algiz is also often described as representing the actual link between humans and divine beings, as such also being connected to spiritual awakening and a higher life.

 

There is one more thing to consider before making any assumptions as to the point of the whole thing. What was I doing when it happened? What was I thinking at the moment?

As I said in this morning’s blog post, the drops appeared as I was reading a website about religion, destiny and messengers in the (absolutely amazing) sci-fi series Battlestar Galactica (seriously, it’s an incredible series and everyone should see it!!!). I was pondering the nature of oracles and occult practices. And just before the first drop appeared I asked myself if it was time for me to offer runic divinations to other people. So far I’ve only done it for myself and my mom, since I haven’t felt competent enough to go public, so to say. But maybe it is time?

Five seconds later the first drop ran down over the computer screen, and a couple of seconds later more drops splashed down on my right leg.

I can’t help thinking the dark drops were a reaction to that which I was thinking and asking myself. Combine that with the indications given by the runes, I’d say it’s pretty certain. Where did the drops come from? Or perhaps the question should have been WHERE did they come from? Laguz, the astral plane. Laguz, spiritual powers. Laguz, the unconscious mind. Laguz, the hidden.

It almost feels as if the dark drops where physical manifestation of that which is Laguz. A little part of the hidden powers dripping into our physical world.

What was that? Ansuz-Wunjo-Thurisaz. A divine message, of joy and great change. Happy thurs. The positive side of the dangerous force that is thurs?

What was the message, what did it all mean? My gut feeling is that there is no great message, but more of a confirmation that a link is established between me and the astral. Algiz, the link between humans and divine beings.

As such, I think I have my answer. I asked if I was ready to serve and use whatever skill I have in divination, to help others communicate with the divine. I think the answer is yes.

 

That is my gut feeling about all of this weirdness. Does it sound plausible or am I reading way too much into this? Do you have any other interpretations? I am in no way certain of it all, I’m just trying to make sense of a totally weird experience which even threw my scientist and non-believer of a husband (he seemed almost worried, and joked that we were being haunted, but his voice actually sounded kinda serious.)

And if anyone of you want to be my first guinea-pig for runic divination,  raise your hand or shout out loud or send me smoke signals or something. I think it’s time I start doing this.

Love and light

/Journeymaid

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Something very strange happened to me last night I don’t have much time now but I feel I should at least write a few lines about it.

I was quietly sitting crouched up in the couch, with my laptop supported on my lap, reading about religion, destiny and messengers in Battlestar Galactica.(http://en.battlestarwiki.org/wiki/Messengers)

As I started reading the page I just linked to a drop of dark liquid ran down the screen. At first I thought it was some kind of strange ad but as I touched it I found that it really was a real drop of something, it was wet and had the same feel as water but it was darker, almost like tea. 

Splash. several large drops splattered down from nowhere onto my right leg, just above the knee. 

I was alone in the room, sitting still with nothing around me that could have splattered. Instinctively I looked up but of course there was no leak in the ceiling or anything. I closed the laptop and just sat staring, smelled the liquid but there was no hint of smell. My husband just came down the stairs and I told him what had happened, pointed at the wet stain on my skirt. He looked around and couldn’t find a source either. (Which he obviously found unsettling, him being a rational scientist and all!)

I have to run now, I’m going to help a couple of friends move and I haven’t got time to write more right now. I just had to get this off my chest. And if you have any ideas as to what those strange dark drops could have been, or if you just feel like saying hi, please write me a comment. =)

Well now, gotta run. Love and light to you all!

/Journeymaid

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How I think it works

First, let me just state that NO, I do NOT think all goddesses are ONE. Neither do I think all male gods are ONE either. But, I do feel that SOME deities are of the same core. Ladyimbrium wrote this comment to my last blog post, and it is spot on how I feel as well:

Let me preface this with the disclaimer that I am a hard-core syncretist. Which is almost an oxymoron. I don’t quite buy the “all goddesses are one Goddess” theory but they are connected in ways we don’t yet have the ability to understand. I tend to think that there are about two dozen or so primal forces that show up in thousands of different deities. These forces are linked in some fashion into a greater whole, but I don’t understand it. I don’t think we’re meant to understand it yet.

Now, some people may find it tricky to see how a deity A and B can in fact be a part of a larger primal force X, yet still be highly individual as well. Every time I bring up the question an example rings through my mind, that has made me understand it a little better.

Think of yourself. The individual that is YOU. Now think about reincarnation, think of your soul having lived a multitude of lives. (Even if you don’t believe in reincarnation, think about it as an example of what I mean!) Now expand your view so that it is not limited by time. Your true self, your core, is ONE. Yet it is also divided into a multitude of separate individuals (each reincarnation being a single individual) with it’s own personality, it’s own dreams and ideas, it’s own life. Yet at the core lies a soul that remains the same.

I think this is as close as I get to understanding how one primal force can turn up as several different deities. Each one an individual, each one making it’s own decisions, perhaps even disagreeing with each others at certain times. That is really not more strange than you having different political ideas than say, your last reincarnation. For us the different reincarnations are separated by the time dimension, but when it comes to the gods it is not time that separates them but something else. Probably a dimension we can’t (yet) perceive. Then just as there are a whole lot of different human souls, each having a multitude of individual reincarnations, there are a whole lot of different primal forces  as well…

At least, this is how I see it. Somehow, to me it seems so obvious once I’d gotten the image of it in my mind. But I’d love to hear your thoughts on this subject, so feel free to comment!

 

 

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Last night’s meditation was short and sweet, solidifying the message I’d gotten 24 hours earlier. The body is a sacred tool and must not be underestimated.

Within my own mind, I started asking questions. Who is feeding me this information? Is it me, my subconscious, coming up with this? Or is there someone with me, guiding my thoughts? 

It’s probably my subconscious, I thought. This is probably me just having a conversation with myself.

For a moment I am visited by a memory. Of me looking over my shoulder and seeing the “Bird Woman”, described in this earlier blog post.


My immediate reaction: Well, now my mind is probably just making things up, looking desperately for an explanation. Because these thoughts of the body as a sacred tool is just my own idea, right?

My mind fills up with another image. A beautiful belly dancer, as seen on tv, dancing seductively. She’s looking at me, smiling, and wiggling her hips. Then the image flashes back to the bird woman. Then back to the young belly dancer. She keeps looking at me, always smiling. Melanie , I think. She is like Melanie. Melanie is a character in a book I’m reading, a beautiful and resourceful young woman who doesn’t mind using her sex appeal to get what she wants, though when the shit really hits the fan she can access abilities beyond what’s human. Flash, back to the belly dancer. Then back to the bird woman.

And then finally it hits me. It’s Freya. As soon as I think her name, I can feel her. Before, when she came to me as the old bird woman, I didn’t make the connection. Didn’t understand it was her, though I know she can take the shape of a bird. The beautiful dancer keeps smiling at me within my mind, and I feel a tingle of joy and appreciation coming from her.

I hadn’t thought of it before, but as soon as I felt her vibe I knew it made perfect sense. Freya’s connection to sex and erotic desires is well known, and I’m sure you’re also aware of her relation to warriors and battle. I have always thought this is a strange combination, sounding almost like a stereotypical male fantasy combining hot chicks with destructive weapons. But now I see, the connection lies in the body. In the powerful combination of mind and body.

The message came within a golden burst of joy and pleasure. I just smiled, feeling like my heart was swelling. This truly was Freya, and her energy was pure golden joy, Suddenly I remembered the little song I made up on Valentines day. Still smiling, I slumped down on the bed, drawing the blanket up around me and snuggled up by my darling Husband. Within my mind I sang the song to Freya, over and over again. I wished I could sing it out loud, but I didn’t wanna wake up my love. So it stayed within my mind, but singing it still felt glorious.

Freja du sköna, 

dansa vid min sida.

Sjung mig kärlek, sjung mig kärlek.

(Beautiful Freja, dance by my side. Sing me love, sing me love.)

 

edit:

Oh, one more thing I forgot to mention. As I realized the energy I was feeling belonged to Freya, for a brief second I wondered if there is any truth to the theories that all female goddesses in fact are aspects of one and the same goddess?  I sent out the question towards Freya: Are you an aspect of Mother? I got a very clear answer: I don’t want to talk about it. Huh. The feeling that enveloped that answer was bordering on irritation, yet it felt more as if she just ignored that question and moved on. I caught the drift and didn’t ask again. Perhaps I’ll raise the question some other time?

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I sit down in my bed, trying to quiet the mind after a long day. I open my mind towards the Mother and the Father. On an impulse I also greet the Little Sister, the Moon. And, to my own surprise, Frey also comes to mind.

I greet them but realize that my mind is too cluttered with images and thoughts, I can’t put a sentence together. Neither would I know what to say. I try to relax and clear my mind.

All of the sudden, I get somewhat of an insight. I look down on my pale and flabby body, and feel something different than the usual disgust. I suddenly realize that I must stop being afraid of my body. I must not shy away, but accept it. And use it.

I feel something I have never felt before. I feel myself, the real me, residing within this body. It sounds like such a cliché, but I finally understand that the body really is my temple. It is the home in which my spirit lives.

I look down on my body, my temple. For once I look and see beyond the aesthetic, beyond what’s “sexy” or “pretty”. I see the truth.

I have abused this body. By not using it as it is meant to be used it has grown weak. I eat more than I need and thus I gain more and more fat. My food addiction has made sure of that. I look at my legs and see ugly scabs, that I just can’t seem to stop picking open. I feel a slight itch in my scalp, where I’ve also been scratching open the same little scabs over and over again. I look at my fingertips, where I’ve not only bitten down every nail as far as possible, I’ve also chewed around the nails, leaving tiny wounds and irritated skin.

This body is the home of my spirit, and I really should be taking care of it. How can I expect my spirit to thrive when it’s stuck in a wrecked home? How can I expect to get pregnant, to start new life within my womb, when I haven’t even been taking care of myself?

Even now as I write this, I find it difficult to express what I feel. It all sounds so obvious, but these feelings inside of me are far from it. Suddenly feeling myself residing within… my physical body… it’s strange.

I grab the bottle of lavender oil that sits beside my bed, and start to carefully rub some of it into my skin. I need to heal this body. I need to listen carefully what it needs, and never forget how important it really is. It’s not just a piece of flesh, it’s my home.

Now, I will put down the laptop and once again settle down into meditation before I go to sleep. I just needed to write this down. I can not allow myself to forget what I just realized, must read tomorrow what I wrote tonight and remember.

Love and light to you all

/Journeymaid

 

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Let’s talk about bugs again. This time it wont be mosquitoes though, I promise. And heads up, there is some santería related stuff in here, and I would LOVE to receive comments from those of you who are more learned than me in that particular religion.

I just read this blog post over at Mystical bewilderment, which was about spirit bugs or bugs being used as spiritual warnings, which made me think about something that my mom experienced a couple of years ago.

Me and my mom wre on Cuba, experiencing the not-so-touristic sides of Havana. We were there as a part of a cultural exchange project, focused on dance. For years I had practiced afro-cuban dance and this was a way for my dance group to get over there and learn more, dancing with one of the local dance companies. Since the dancing revolved around Santería it also came natural to learn more about the religion, and one of the favourite moments of the trip was when we attended a “birthday celebration” in which there was lots of food, lots of dancing, lots of sacred drumming and people going in and out of trances. Crazy cool.

On the last day in Havana, my mom took a short walk through the local market. An old man suddenly came up to her. The man held up a wooden staff in front of mom, and said that she was going to buy it from him. Now mom isn’t easily fooled by street merchants , but as she described it afterwards this old man seemed so very… weird. He was so serious . It seemed important. So she gave the man some money and received the staff.

Later that day we were moving out and going back to the airport. The leader of our group, our teacher and choreographer who is also a santera, caught sight of the wooden staff in mom’s hand. She froze, staring at the staff and looking slightly shocked. She asked mom where she’d gotten it, and shook her head in disbelief.

The staff is about the size of a walking cane, but thicker and shaped a bit differently with a bug knob at the top. It’s painted all over in bright colours, and at the top knob there is an eye. My dance teacher explained that this kind of staff is used in specific rituals, very dark and dangerous rituals about death. Such a staff would NEVER be sold to a tourist just like that, which was why it made her so shocked to see it in mom’s hand.

So what about the bug? Well, we came home. The staff was placed in the living room. It made mom feel uncomfortable, and it had the same effect on me though not as strong. But it felt scary. So we didn’t touch it much, it just needed to be there. Then all hell broke loose in our lives as my grandpa died and our family broke apart. It was a time of heightened emotions as well as spiritual experiences, as both me and mom seemed to be going through a sensitive period.

One night when I wasn’t at home, mom was woken up by her two cats making an unusual amount of noise. She went out to the living room and found both cats intently watching the wooden staff. Mom took a closer look.

On top of the knob there was a huge bug. An unusually big and veeery colourful beetle. It had the same colours as the staff it was sitting on. As mom looked at it, it flew up and crossed to room, eventually landing on top of an old cupboard (almost 100 years old, that used to belong to my mom’s grandparents).

Mom told me about what had happened as soon as I came home the next day. We went looking for it, but it was nowhere to be seen, though I could see traces of it in the dust on top of the cupboard. We went on to look up every kind of beetle known to exist in Sweden, and found nothing even remotely close to what mom had seen. Too many colours, too big. It just shouldn’t have been there.

Mom is still convinced that the bug was physically there, but that it had to have something to do with the creepy magical staff. I tend to agree. Not sure how it all connects though, and what it means. Most of all, I would love to learn more about what that staff really IS. Ever heard of anything like it? As I wrote in the start, we were told it was the kind used in rare and dangerous rituals of death.  Does it ring a bell to any of you?

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