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Archive for November, 2011

Through the internet I’ve come into contact with a lady who, like me, is working on developing her psychic abilities. These past few days we have done a psychic reading exercise, which has been interesting.

I have never met her in real life. I have, however, seen a picture of her and I’ve got her name and date of birth. From that, I got a couple of questions that I attempted to answer.

This was very, very tricky. First of all I must say that I felt great frustration, like I was trying to get into a house but couldn’t find the door. In other words, it felt like I lacked the for me correct technique.

First, I meditated and repeated her name (this was before I saw her picture). I felt my third eye open, as well as solar plexus, and it felt like there was some kind of connection. I got flashes of a brown haired girl. A large dark grey/black dog rested his head in my/her lap. A swing set on a playground, and a middle aged man with a goatee, smiling.

Turned out that yes, she has brown hair and yes, there is a dark grey dog. The rest seem to have nothing to do with her.

After I got to see her picture I made an attempt to answer the questions. Now things started to get really tricky. I have no idea how to ask and receive questions, and though I’ve always felt that I have a spirit guide, we’ve never exactly chatted. =) In the end, I got a pendulum and asked the questions out loud, interpreting the movements of the pendulum as “yes” or “no”. Honestly, I seem to have gotten most of it wrong. Mmmpf… I keep looking for that door… Now doing psychic readings is not something I’ve tried before, and I might not even have that specific ability. Or I just need to find the door. Time will tell!

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Another ghostly memory

It was late at night and we, my husband and I, were walking back to the place where we were renting a room for the summer. Someone dressed in white walked on the path some distance ahead.

“I wonder who that is?” I said.

“Who?” my husband asked.

“That person, ” I said and pointed. “In the white coat.”

“There is no one there”, my husband said, sounding rather surprised.

“Seriously, don’t you see? There!”

“I don’t see anyone.”

The person I was seeing went around a bend in the road and disappeared from sight. As we also came around the bend there was no sight of anyone, and we could see a long way ahead. We were really alone. One of the few instances when I’ve actually SEEN a ghost or spirit?

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I just finished tonight’s meditation, and I must say that I feel great. Having thought about the advice gotten from another blogger I felt it best not to try to achieve anything special, so no exercises this time. Instead, I just meditated and focused on opening my third eye. And this time, I consciously left it open at the end. It is still open, at least half way. I am amazed that it stays like this, despite me sitting by the computer, writing.

Anyhow, I thought I’d share a memory with you. Most often when I’ve had psychic encounters it has been exiting, but not scary. This time, it was scary.

I was away from home on a job, and had gotten a room in an old house close to the work place. I shared the house with several others that also worked at the same place, yet this particular day I was the only one there. I sat in the living room with my laptop, when suddenly I heard a loud noise from the floor above. Rough scraping, it sounded like someone was dragging around very heavy furniture up there! First I was slightly annoyed, wondering what the heck they were doing up there! The scraping continued for about a minute, then it seized. It was first then that I realized that I was actually alone in the house, there was no one up there.

The other morning, when I had yet not risen from bed but was wide awake, I heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. They continued to my door. Someone knocked. “Just a minute!” I shouted and quickly got out of bed, hurrying over to the door and opening.

There was no one there. There was no one on the entire floor. I immediately went downstairs and chatted with the people eating breakfast in the kitchen, and they told me they had heard nothing, and no one there had made any noise that could have been interpreted as a knocking. They were seriously surprised by my question, I don’t think they were kidding with me.

That night there were so many loud footsteps outside of my door and up and down the stairs, that I just couldn’t sleep. It felt so wrong and so bad. I actually spent that night fully dressed, prepared to run out from the house in an instant if anything entered my room. Thankfully, they kept on the outside, but that pacing really drove me crazy!

The next day I came across one of my co-workers who also stayed at the house. She was terrified, and explained that she didn’t want to be alone in the house with her young kids. For you see, earlier that day as she was cooking in the kitchen someone had come down the stairs, and opened the front door. But as she looked out the window to see who had come out there was no one there. She had grabbed her kids and gotten out.

First at that point did I tell people what I had experienced the last days, and I started asking around. Turned out, almost everyone who had stayed at that house for more than a couple of days had similar experiences. Footsteps, weird sounds, things that moved around, horrifying dreams. And everyone agreed that whatever it was, it felt really really bad. Even those that like me had experienced exiting, positive encounters with spirits before were floored by how evil this felt. Uuwww… I get the chills just thinking about it!

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Death

I read a post on another blog just now (http://psychicintraining.wordpress.com/2011/11/21/crossing-over/) , that made me think of when I lost my grandpa… So I thought I’d share it with you!

Grandpa had gotten a stroke, and been at the hospital for several days without being able to communicate with us. This one day, I was there together with my mother and grandmother. We sat quiet, and I almost fell asleep. Then I was overcome by the sad beauty and love in the room, thinking how amazing it was that we, four generations of women gathered around him… Me, his granddaughter. Mom, his daughter. His wife, my grandmother. And his mother. All there to take care of him and show our love.

Then suddenly I awoke. His mother? What? His mother had been dead for decades, and I had never even met her! But she was there, in that very room, I was sure of that!

A couple of days later, early in the morning, I awoke with a bang. You know that feeling of falling down, that the scientists explain as a remnant from when we lived and slept in trees? Like that. But just when I had opened my eyes I heard a very clear voice. An woman, for some reason I knew that it was my grandpa’s mother. She simply said: “He’s gone now.”

Turned out, my grandpa had passed away at the hospital at that very moment. I was horribly sad, but not surprised.

I still mourn him, though it was a couple of years ago.  At the same time I feel comforted by the knowledge that we might be helped over two the other side by relatives who have passed before us, that we are not alone…

Have you got similar experiences?

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Hopefully I am very much at the beginning of my journey, so tonight I thought I’d try something that I have no previous experience with. The idea is to do the same test now and then over the next weeks or months and see if anything changes, as I work on my mental capacity.

The exercise was one of clairvoyance. I picked out five photographs: one of my grandmother, one of the cats I grew up with, one of me by my favourite tree as I was growing up, one of my best friend in high school, and one of another dear friend. The task: pick up a photo with closed eyes and attempt to identify which one it was. First I did 20 where I mainly just relaxed and chose whatever popped into my mind first. Then I deepened the relaxation and went into light meditation, opened my third eye, and tried harder to really see which photo I held.

Result:

The first set of 20: 4 correct out of 20.

Second set of 20: 6 out of 20.

In terms of clairvoyance, I completely failed. That slight increase in set 2 as compared to set 1 is much too small to mean anything at all. But that’s ok, since I’ve had no previous experiences to indicate that I could do this. After all, being moderately skilled in one area does NOT mean one will be skilled in other areas. And besides, the point here is not to succeed today, but to practice and hopefully get better. So over the next couple of weeks or perhaps months, I will repeat this exercise and hope to see an improvement.

How did the exercise feel?

When I began set nr 2 and settled down into light meditation I felt my third eye open wide. The first two photos I picked up felt obvious, I identified them raher quickly (and correctly). It felt good, it felt like I had found out how to do this. But then I felt my third eye closing and I had a hard time opening it again, and identifying the photos became much much more difficult. Of course it is very much a possibility that what I felt when I identified those two first photos was pure coincidence, but lets leave that question for later.

For now, I am content with the experience even though the result wasn’t any good. Right now I feel like I have to practice holding my third eye open. This time, I felt it slip away rather quickly when I opened my eyes to look at the photo, move my hands o shuffle the photos, or make that quick note of the result on a piece of paper. If I can just keep the third eye open while I do other stuff… it feels like I could learn a lot. So all in all, a good experience!

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Let me leave the question of health and fasting to tomorrow, and instead talk a bit about dreams and how to interpret them.  First of all, let me say that YES, I have read a lot of dream interpretation theories. From Freud and Jung to new age theorists contra modern psychology. In the end I always rely on my own experiences during the years where I kept a detailed diary of all of my dreams. Tonight, I thought I’d share some of my experiences with you. Feel free to comment, I would be happy to hear your thoughts on the subject as well!

To understand my way of “reading” dreams, you should understand that I see most dreams as a collaboration between me and my subconscious, wherein I supply the language and the subconscious supplies the actual content.

Sometimes the use of symbols is heavy and easily interpreted. Here’s an example of a dream completely STACKED with symbolism:

I am in a world that isn’t really real. I am Superman’s woman, and while he flies around and plants seeds I really just try to get him to sleep with me. Our housekeeper is a woman dressed in the blue dress of Yemaya, she is the Ocean.

A stranger appears, a woman that I immediately understand is dangerous. She breaths at us and makes us go all stiff. The evil woman commands the Ocean to kill me and Superman, and poor Ocean has no choice but to try and obey. Luckily, Superman manage to break free of the spell and kills Ocean.

The evil woman comes back, with a whole group of people, outnumbering us completely. One of the men is handsome, with golden skin and a shaved head. He is also huge… he’s the leader of a great people, and very dangerous. 

I approach him and offer my services. As the king he may sleep with whoever he chooses, and if I can just be alone with him I will try to assassinate him…

He brings me to “the Blood Room”, a very small room with red marble walls, and we have sex. But then he leaves before I get the chance to kill him. He is already bored with me.

 

Now what to make of this little drama? I can think of several ways to interpret this. Boiling it down to a short summary is often helpful:

I wish to have sex with superman. Ocean is our housekeeper. The evil woman makes Ocean try to kill us, but Superman manages to kill her first. I try to kill our enemy by sleeping with him. I fail.

Which could be translated as…

I am connected to the greater power, or God, and I wish to learn from him/create with him. An outside influence makes my emotions, which really should be working for me, attack me. The greater power intervenes and saves me, but at a great emotional cost. I find what rules that bad, outside influence, and I think that the only way to fight back is to join it. That doesn’t work out, I just sacrifice more of myself.

I could also interpret this on a grander scale:

The Godess, (Earth or Gaia, represented by me as a woman) is in union with the God (represented by Superman).  Ocean, or Yemaya, is another entity, below the divine couple but still beyond anything human. If necessary, the God has the power to subdue Ocean. There is also another power (the dangerous, golden king), seductive beautiful yet very deadly. His representatives attempt to destroy the simple, natural and good life. The Godess, Earth, winds up copulating with the Golden King in order to save herself, to fight back. But he gets bored and leaves her in ruin.

Is this all about how humanity abuses the earth? Could the golden man and his people represent humanity? Causing the ocean to die, and using the earth for selfish pleasure?

I should probably go with the first interpretation, where the whole dream is about me and my emotional life. Yet I actually feel the latter interpretation resonating more deeply with me and my understanding of the world. This dream was so grand, the symbols used were so big and important… I might be wrong (of course!) but I really do think this dream reveals how my subconscious views the world. Or what do you think?

 

 

 

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Fail (fasting restart)

Today, I failed.

I woke up, drank my cup of tea and swallowed my vitamins, feeling content yet very, very tired. I went to work (on a saturday, woohoo…) and worked hard. Feeling tired and longing to just go home I went into the office kitchen, grabbed a cup of tea and opened the fridge to get a bit of milk.

And saw two leftover sandwhiches from yesterday’s lunch.

Seeing them stirred a malicious craving. I wanted to EAT. I wasn’t really hungry but I wanted to EAT. Frustrated I continued to work, having too much to do and having lost my calm, I kept craving SOMETHING, anything…

When I went home from work I felt sad, frustrated and desperate. I couldn’t stop myself, and bought a cheap pastry. And icecream with cream. And I came home feeling angry and sad, and ate. Binging? I guess. Though I feel like I’ve eaten immense amounts I haven’t actually eaten as much as I would have before, but still… I feel nauseous and sad. Even before I ate I knew I would just feel bad afterwards, but I did it anyways. So destructive! That’s why I’m sad, I don’t want to be destructive, I want to be constructive and creative!

So I guess tomorrow will be another day 1. I have to break this addiction, I need to! I will not give up now, when I’ve achieved so much. Not in terms of weight (I’ve lost just 2 kg in this whole week, but that’s ok.) but in terms of understanding myself. This is a battle I must win. It would be so easy to back down now and say “well, I guess one week was enough and you know it is important to listen to your body so I should probably end the fast now!”

But honestly, that would be a load of crap, and I’m not going to fool myself. I didn’t binge today because my body needed to end the fast. I binged because I lost control, and let that evil voice in the back of my head tell me what to do. That destructive voice. Yes, it has been an extremely hard and long week at work while I’ve been fasting. And yes, under more pleasant surroundings I would have conquered the cravings today. That is an explanation, but it’s not an excuse. Because all this will do is add a stone to my burden, both physically and mentally.

However. The voice may have won this battle, but it hasn’t won the war. Not yet. This is not the time for me to stop fasting, not at all. It is the time to step up my game, and go into water fasting. One week. Then one week of controlled ascent into eating. I need to do this. I need to show myself that I CAN do this, that I’m not a slave to the cravings.

And now I realize that this blog is no just about my inner victories… but rather,  it tells of my struggles. Personal growth and development isn’t always easy and fun. Today it was brutal and nasty. But I have learned from it, I must have.

To make everything just a little bit worse, my husband left this morning for a work related trip and will be gone for a whole week. Him leaving probably added to my loss of self control today, since I feel just a little bit sad that I’ll be alone for the week. But once again, that might be an explanation but it’s not an excuse. Oh well.

Now, I will go into the kitchen and get rid of the rest of the icecream (because thankfully I managed not to eat the whole thing!) and get myself a warm cup of tea. Then I will try to find some inspirational blogs, not about fasting but about inner development. I think that will be good.

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